Obvious douchebags that everyone knows!

Just thought that I could take the time to spotlight some people that everyone just loves to hate because they were just born douchebags and can't help themselves. they've got the virus.

Douche 1: Justin Bieber

How dare that crazy 10 year old Canadian girl! She just makes awkward videos of her on youtube and some how blackmails Usher into letting her attempt to dance and make a cd. and the way she gives tweens drugs before cd signing to make them go crazy. what a douche!

Douche 2: Miley Cyrus

First off her dad has a mullet. that's the douche's hairstyle of choice. and even though she is talentless, ditched Disney to pole dance, and has big ol' beaver teeth, she thinks that just because Radiohead wouldn't talk to her she can RUIN them. what a douche! Radiohead actually makes music and their fans aren't lame. When will the world come to their senses and see that she doesn't make music!?

Douche 3: Airports

I hate airports. They are always like that annoying kid in your PoliSci class: big, confusing, and just rude. there really is no reason for them to be that big and have overpriced shops. I hate SkyMall.

Douche 4: The Sarcastic Waiter

Everyone has experienced at least one in their lifetime. It's always that waiter who hates his job so he feels the need to make your meal unpleasant. he's that guy that when you say 'everything but tomatoes' he says 'thats not everything then.'  don't be douche. just give me my quesadilla.

Douche 5: Tiger Woods

He just defines douche.

Douche 6: People with Bluetooth

Really?! Why tease me that you're talking to me when you're talking to someone else!? You just look like you're talking to yourself.

The "No Offense" people

So don't you just hate it when someone who you already can hardly stand just pushes it over the edge by starting a sentence with "No offense but..."

Ex:

"no offense but those pants make your butt look big."

"no offense Taylor Swift but a monkey makes better music than you do and they play with their own poo."

"no offense but you shouldn't leave the house in that shirt. or at all for that matter.'

What do you mean no offense?! By saying "No offense" it actually has the opposite effect! I am going to take a lot of offense! because apparently you aren't man enough to say what you really feel. either way you are a douche. good job. mom must be so proud.

Cynics posing as Realist

So one of the most annoying type of douchebags are the kind who not only think that they know everything in the universe but they also have such a dim and sucky view of the world. They always put down your hopes and dreams, hate kittens, and try to protect you from the manbearpig.

They are the people who go around saying "I am real" or "i'm sorry but thats the truth!" they are the people that you just to punch in the face.

#5: talking to yourself in 3rd person

This has got to be one of the most annoying things in the world.

Don't you just hate when you go to a party and there's that one guy with the spiked and frosted tips who thinks that everybody loves him and the lovingly refers to himself as "The Chad" or "Bradimeister"? It gets worse when they actually talk to other people calling themselves that. It's always "The Brad is hungry" or "Bradimeister in the hizz-ouse!"

Don't do it. Just do not do it! Why?

1: people will get confused and think that you are having a rad bromance with some dude when in reality it's just with yourself.

2: No one cares

3:You are obviously overcompensating for something.

4: Nobody will date a guy called "The Juiceman."

#4: Old Man-esque

So there's this new douche fashion of dressing like your grandfather: the wearing of cardigans, smoking of pipes, and loafers.

Dear Old Man-esque Douchebags...

YOU ARE NOT AN OLD MAN! YOU DO NOT NEED THAT CANE TO WALK! YOU DO NOT HAVE GRANDCHILDREN OR LIVED DURING WORLD WAR II. YOU ARE JUST A DOUCHE!


Cardigans are for women and old men, pipes don;t make you look cool, and loafers are just...ugly. Just give it 40 or so years. you'll grow into it.

Time and Place

Today, we are looking into yet another EXTREME douche tendency: wearing things
when it is NOT the right time or place to wear them.

First we will look at sunglasses. Now sunglasses are a very helpful, and fashionable
thing to wear! But ladies and gentlemen, there is an appropriate time and place to
wear them. For instance, when you're outside!!!! Unless you have super extremely
sensitive eyes, fluorescent bulbs are NOT that bright so DO NOT wear them inside.
They may make you feel cool, but in all reality you look like a gigantic tool! Stop it!




Next we'll examine, a semi-fashionable piece: the sweater vest. They only work as a fashion statement if you are 80 and you golf. Even then they are completely hideous. Let's dissect this, shall we? Sweater, a garment used to keep you warm in the COLD. Vest, a garment usually worn in formal occasions. When combined you should only wear these when it is COLD and a formal affair. DO NOT wear them if it is 80 degrees and mid-August, not only is that douche-y it is flat out DUMB! So please avoid this! You look like you're going to play with your grandma!


Forewarning: If you do wear sweater vests, DO NOT WEAR THEM WITH SHORT SLEEVED SHIRTS!!!! FOR EXAMPLE LOOK AT THE DOUCHE TO THE LEFT

Finally, we're going to look at spray tans. These should be avoided at all cost, because you don't look attractive, you look like a carrot. People are not attracted to veggies, sorry. If you are going to get a spray do not do so, in the winter! If it is 50 degrees and you look like an oompa loompa, you my friend are a douche. Who are you trying to impress with that? Seriously. Avoid spray tans, or just get "DOUCHE" tattooed on your forehead, it is essentially giving off the same message.

Sincerely,
Your friends @ Douche Blog

#2: Popped Collars

This is one of the most douchest things a person could do!


Pop their collar!


It's just dumb and the only people you really see do it are Jersey Shore juiceheads or preppy frat boys (and the occasional K-Fed wannabe).

Why is it dumb you ask?

#1: The whole point of a collar is to put it down.
#2: You look like Dracula.
#3: For some reason they always wear a pink shirt when they pop the collar.

Douchebags of the world. Stop it. I hate Polos.