#12: The "Holier Than Thou" Individuals

First off, who the hell do you think you are? These individuals come in many shapes and sizes, races, orientations, and genders. These individuals just parade around like their shit don't stink. Please legitimately explain to me HOW you THINK you are better than me? What makes this so? Because you're older? Have a better economic standing? You're in a certain organization? Umm, no. What you need to do is pump your breaks, and check yourself. No matter what religion you believe in, if you do, no one is better than anyone. We're all equal whether you shitheads want to think so or not. Everyone has and individual quality they posses that makes them great, everyone makes their life in their own way. If they're happy, then they have succeeded in life. Who are you to shit on their parade? So what if you have a bad day, or something bad happens to you? NEWS FLASH: IT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE! So get off your high horse, before I knock  you the hell off it! Now normally we include a picture with our posts, but I feel like everyone can put their own individual in for this post. Because we all know someone in our lives that acts like this, all you gotta do is just dust it off and don't acknowledge them. They aren't worth it, well in everyone's head but their own.

Sincerely,
Doucheblog

#11: People Who Follow Charlie Sheen

Ok, i understand. It's funny that Charlie Sheen has flipped his lid and/or has started hard drug use. Also that he believes in trolls, drinks tiger blood, has a porn family, etc. It is all very quirky and entertaining but can the media please let it go! you are giving him what he wants!

It might come as a surprise that Charlie Sheen isn't the douche in this situation. Actually, i think he's hilarious. He's the reason why i say 'duh, winning' now. But obviously he is mentally ill and that is why we should just leave him alone but that is the last thing that the news is doing.

For 2 weeks now whenever i turn on my tv i see headlines like 'Charlie Sheen peed in public' or 'Charlie Sheen bit a nun.' why should we care!? This is just like any other celebrity breakdown like when Britney shaved her head or that horrible Taylor Swift picked on Kanye. if we all stop talking about it and follow it, it'll go away.  Sheen is like a child; if you ignore it it'll stop vying for attention but if it keeps going put it on NBC.

Douchebags of 2010! Part 2

Heidi Montag/Spencer Pratt


So self explanatory! Spencer is a douche and always has been but in 2010 he brought his A game. He grew a nasty beard, dressed like a mountain man, and started wearing a 'magic' crystal to absorb his doucheness. It didn't work. He still runs his mouth and his parents still wish he wasn't born. He's like a douchier version of Damien from the Omen. spencer pratt's dad wishes 


As for Heidi she got 10 plastic surgery procedures to look like a character from Star Trek. She scares the shiz out of me. Imagine that face creepin' up on you in a dark alley. She claims she changed her whole body because people made fun of her looks. That was not the case. Too bad she couldn't get a brain transplant.

Jetblue Airline attendant guy


So at first I felt sorry for this guy. He was considered the Howard Beale of 2010 because someone was a jerk to him and he flipped out. He cussed the customers out, grabbed a beer, and went down the emergency chute. It ends up the guy was just a douche and just couldn't pretend he was something he wasn't for any longer. The D-bag actually flipped just because someone put too much in the overhead compartment and it fell on him. He cussed them out over the intercom! That's what happens when you repress your inner douche.


Bad Girls Club 


So this show has been on tv for awhile and I don't really see the point! It's a show where trashy nasty girls from nowhere get to live in a house in LA where they get drunk, sleep around, and punch each other (but no necessarily in that order) . They all have muffin top majorly but insist on wearing tube tops. it's like Jersey Shore but with girls and no one is orange. America is obsessed with watching drunk chub girls get thrown out of bars.


Kristen Stewart


Where do I start! One, the girl cannot act. She mumbles and is high the whole time. she probably doesn't even know what's going on and probably thinks she's in Narnia somewhere. The sad thing is she has the biggest ego in Hollywood. She plays on a movie where all she does is look confused and cry and she thinks she deserves an Oscar. A monkey in a wig could do what she does! she also complains that she hates the movies that she makes and trashes her 'fans.' An angry mob of tweens should find her and sacrifice her to that Bieber girl. She also thinks you can drive to Russia. Hating Life and driving to Russia


Meredith Vieira


Why did the Today show hire her!? She's awful and truly proves that woman can be douchebags too! She dishes out rude comments and just knows how to make people feel like trash. Like on an episode of the Today Show where she insulted a guest by saying: "I can see all the NBC bean counters, all of my wardrobe is going to be from PropertyRoom.com, starting with (pointing at her guest) that ugly yellow dress."
Just because you are on tv doesn't mean you have to be a douche. If i were that guest I would have punched Vieira in her face. She interrupts people during interviews, talks trash, and challenged Martha Stewart to a bakeoff! I mean come on! How much of a douche can you be to challenge Martha at her own game?

Douchebags of 2010! Part 1

Kate Gosselin - 
Who in the hell do you think you are?? Many people would say "Oh you shouldn't say that, she's a single mother raising 8 children!" Well i say, I don't give a damn! She's a royal bitch! That's why she's a single mother! She treated John like a child and ran him off! I don't blame him for sleeping around on her. But the main reason she's a douche, is she CONTINUES to shove her children into the spotlight with "Kate Plus 8." This causes them to get into fights with others at school. They aren't getting a normal childhood, and they're going to end up like most children who grew up in the public spotlight, on crack or in jail, or gigantic diseased infested whores. *COUGH COUGH* Paris Hilton.

Jesse James -
 Although Tiger got more publicity, this douche makes our list for cheating on his ex-wife, America's sweetheart, Sandra Bullock. Sandra is completely amazing! Why the hell would you cheat on her with "Bombshell McGee" who quite frankly is not a bombshell! She's freaky looking. I'm all for tattoo's, but there is a limit. For instance who in the hell tattoos their FOREHEAD. It looks dumb. So in sleeping with this dumb tatoo'd bimbo, Jesse James, you are a cheating, trifling douche!

Jersey Shore -
 It explains itself really. This monstrosity of a TV show, is douche packed. How in the hell is drunken, beefy, over make-up'd Oompa Loompas "good television"? I don't understand how this band of botards, is considered entertaining. What has the world come to when people like Snooki and The Situation, have become icons. What the fuck?! I mean seriously. Hollywood, stop it with "reality" stars. They aren't celebrities, the only celebs on reality TV are the former/almost washed up ones. Thank you.

16 & Pregnant/Teen Whores (sorry I mean moms) - 
With the exception of Macy and her son Bentley. I hate this dumb hoes. They rise to fame by getting knocked up. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? MTV stop shoving these dumb TV shows down our throats. Causing unimportant dumb people into stardom! I don't want to see these idiots on People magazine, I believe it's reserved for REAL celebrities.

The Mothers of Toddles & Tiaras -
 They aren't celebrities, but they sure as hell are as dumb as the "celebs" mentioned earlier. I completely HATE these "mothers." They shove their daughters into pageants and shovel so much money into "perfecting" their daughters looks, basically instilling that they aren't allowed to be who they are. Way to fuck up your child. They shove them into pageant after pageant, making them think they love this. Shoving talents down their throats they think judges will love. But do their daughters ever actually love their "talents." Most likely no. Children should be spending their time playing outside, getting messy, and having fun. Not getting flippers put in, getting spray tans, and having make-up and hair extensions put on them. So mothers of "Toddlers & Tiaras" do us a favor at Douche Blog, and GO TO HELL! Please and Thanks. :)

#10: Some Youtube Celebrities

I like youtube videos as much as the next person but there is something irritating and douche-y about certain people on youtube: those darn youtube celebrities that are famous just for talking to their webcam about things that annoy them. I don't care that you're mad for getting cut off in  traffic! Why do people even watch you!?

Youtube douche part un: Chris Crocker


No, I will not leave Britney alone. He's famous for filming videos under a bed sheet. Why?!

Youtube douche part deux: Justin Bieber


All i can  say is 'subliminal messages.' Why else would people like a little lesbian Canadian girl who sings about babies?

Youtube douche part trois: Philip DeFranco (aka sxephil)


Get a real job! I don't really want your opinion on anything.  You're just grubby. And he is not the sexiest geek of 2008. Michael Cera was.

Youtube douche part quatre: Shane Dawson


So apparently a schizophrenic. He has too many alter personalities because his real one sucks. just like DeFranco...get a real job! No one (who isn't a 13 year old boy) should talk about genitalia as much as he does.

He did make a good Hermione.

Youtube douche part cing: Fred


He just speeds up his voice and some how he has merchandise at Hot Topic (but who doesn't?)! I hope he does the world a favor and loses his vocal cords.

#9: Disney Stars (or just the famous ones)

So I am so sick of hearing about Disney Stars and all of their drama! They are so dumb. they are very dumb. for real.

Disney Douche #1: Miley Cyrus

She started out ok on that lame Hannah 'i just put on a wig and no one knows its me' show but then the 'fame' went to her big teeth-ed head. She thinks its ok to talk bad about bands that are actually good and sing horribly.

Just give it a few years, she'll marry a backup dancer, get pregnant, and shave her head.

To top it off she thinks she is too cool for marijuana (Dumb high ho) and would rather smoke something that no one has heard of. douche.



Disney Douche #2: Demi Lovato

at 1st i tried to take up for her but she is in fact a douche. Ho assaulted a backup dancer just because she said something she didn't like. What a douche. If someone ratted me out for No-no partying i would get them back, not beat the crap out of them and 'go to rehab for it. Rehab doesn't cure being a diva. WHAT A DOUCHE!

Disney Douche #3: Ashley Tisdale

She posed as the 'good role model' Disney star and told girls to love themselves and then got a nose job. Douche.

Obvious douchebags that everyone knows!

Just thought that I could take the time to spotlight some people that everyone just loves to hate because they were just born douchebags and can't help themselves. they've got the virus.

Douche 1: Justin Bieber

How dare that crazy 10 year old Canadian girl! She just makes awkward videos of her on youtube and some how blackmails Usher into letting her attempt to dance and make a cd. and the way she gives tweens drugs before cd signing to make them go crazy. what a douche!

Douche 2: Miley Cyrus

First off her dad has a mullet. that's the douche's hairstyle of choice. and even though she is talentless, ditched Disney to pole dance, and has big ol' beaver teeth, she thinks that just because Radiohead wouldn't talk to her she can RUIN them. what a douche! Radiohead actually makes music and their fans aren't lame. When will the world come to their senses and see that she doesn't make music!?

Douche 3: Airports

I hate airports. They are always like that annoying kid in your PoliSci class: big, confusing, and just rude. there really is no reason for them to be that big and have overpriced shops. I hate SkyMall.

Douche 4: The Sarcastic Waiter

Everyone has experienced at least one in their lifetime. It's always that waiter who hates his job so he feels the need to make your meal unpleasant. he's that guy that when you say 'everything but tomatoes' he says 'thats not everything then.'  don't be douche. just give me my quesadilla.

Douche 5: Tiger Woods

He just defines douche.

Douche 6: People with Bluetooth

Really?! Why tease me that you're talking to me when you're talking to someone else!? You just look like you're talking to yourself.

The "No Offense" people

So don't you just hate it when someone who you already can hardly stand just pushes it over the edge by starting a sentence with "No offense but..."

Ex:

"no offense but those pants make your butt look big."

"no offense Taylor Swift but a monkey makes better music than you do and they play with their own poo."

"no offense but you shouldn't leave the house in that shirt. or at all for that matter.'

What do you mean no offense?! By saying "No offense" it actually has the opposite effect! I am going to take a lot of offense! because apparently you aren't man enough to say what you really feel. either way you are a douche. good job. mom must be so proud.

Cynics posing as Realist

So one of the most annoying type of douchebags are the kind who not only think that they know everything in the universe but they also have such a dim and sucky view of the world. They always put down your hopes and dreams, hate kittens, and try to protect you from the manbearpig.

They are the people who go around saying "I am real" or "i'm sorry but thats the truth!" they are the people that you just to punch in the face.

#5: talking to yourself in 3rd person

This has got to be one of the most annoying things in the world.

Don't you just hate when you go to a party and there's that one guy with the spiked and frosted tips who thinks that everybody loves him and the lovingly refers to himself as "The Chad" or "Bradimeister"? It gets worse when they actually talk to other people calling themselves that. It's always "The Brad is hungry" or "Bradimeister in the hizz-ouse!"

Don't do it. Just do not do it! Why?

1: people will get confused and think that you are having a rad bromance with some dude when in reality it's just with yourself.

2: No one cares

3:You are obviously overcompensating for something.

4: Nobody will date a guy called "The Juiceman."

#4: Old Man-esque

So there's this new douche fashion of dressing like your grandfather: the wearing of cardigans, smoking of pipes, and loafers.

Dear Old Man-esque Douchebags...

YOU ARE NOT AN OLD MAN! YOU DO NOT NEED THAT CANE TO WALK! YOU DO NOT HAVE GRANDCHILDREN OR LIVED DURING WORLD WAR II. YOU ARE JUST A DOUCHE!


Cardigans are for women and old men, pipes don;t make you look cool, and loafers are just...ugly. Just give it 40 or so years. you'll grow into it.

Time and Place

Today, we are looking into yet another EXTREME douche tendency: wearing things
when it is NOT the right time or place to wear them.

First we will look at sunglasses. Now sunglasses are a very helpful, and fashionable
thing to wear! But ladies and gentlemen, there is an appropriate time and place to
wear them. For instance, when you're outside!!!! Unless you have super extremely
sensitive eyes, fluorescent bulbs are NOT that bright so DO NOT wear them inside.
They may make you feel cool, but in all reality you look like a gigantic tool! Stop it!




Next we'll examine, a semi-fashionable piece: the sweater vest. They only work as a fashion statement if you are 80 and you golf. Even then they are completely hideous. Let's dissect this, shall we? Sweater, a garment used to keep you warm in the COLD. Vest, a garment usually worn in formal occasions. When combined you should only wear these when it is COLD and a formal affair. DO NOT wear them if it is 80 degrees and mid-August, not only is that douche-y it is flat out DUMB! So please avoid this! You look like you're going to play with your grandma!


Forewarning: If you do wear sweater vests, DO NOT WEAR THEM WITH SHORT SLEEVED SHIRTS!!!! FOR EXAMPLE LOOK AT THE DOUCHE TO THE LEFT

Finally, we're going to look at spray tans. These should be avoided at all cost, because you don't look attractive, you look like a carrot. People are not attracted to veggies, sorry. If you are going to get a spray do not do so, in the winter! If it is 50 degrees and you look like an oompa loompa, you my friend are a douche. Who are you trying to impress with that? Seriously. Avoid spray tans, or just get "DOUCHE" tattooed on your forehead, it is essentially giving off the same message.

Sincerely,
Your friends @ Douche Blog

#2: Popped Collars

This is one of the most douchest things a person could do!


Pop their collar!


It's just dumb and the only people you really see do it are Jersey Shore juiceheads or preppy frat boys (and the occasional K-Fed wannabe).

Why is it dumb you ask?

#1: The whole point of a collar is to put it down.
#2: You look like Dracula.
#3: For some reason they always wear a pink shirt when they pop the collar.

Douchebags of the world. Stop it. I hate Polos.

#1: Smart Idiots

Everyone knows someone like this! You either keep them around for a good laugh or you try to avoid them and hope they aren't your lab partner.

There are 2 types of Smart idiots:

#1:
A Smart Idiot is someone who thinks they know everything there is to know about everything but they really know nothing at all. If you ask them what nudiustertian means they would probably tell you its a small rodent (its not, it means the day before yesterday). But you can always learn to have fun with them and their lack of knowledge!


#2:


This is the Smart Idiot that has done countless years of schooling and/or love to watch the History/NatGeo/Discovery channel and claim to be pretty freakin' smart. They are they just have no real world skills and probably can't make it in the real world. These are the guys who look like they live with mom that sit in front of you in class and answer everything and try so hard to out do the teacher (who just wants them to shut up).


Where would the world be without Smart Idiots? There would be no one to run the government!

Douches of THE World!

You see them everywhere. They wear sunglasses inside. They wear sweatervest in the summer. They wear Uggs with miniskirts.

We feel your pain and feel the need to document and laugh at the crazy things they do!